Usotsuki
by musouka
Summary: "You're a liar. Nothing more, nothing less." Contains shounen-ai?
1. Part One

uso01

>   
Not a happy fic, people. 
> 
> This takes a look at Jyou's canon future, his family, but most importantly, his wife. Despite what you first read about Hanako, I urge you to keep an open mind. Human motives are rarely cut and dry, and hers are no exception. The title means "Liar", and has many meanings in the context. I hope I was able to express them all fully.   

>
>> **Usotsuki**
>> 
>> _Riyuu wa kotaetakunai_   
_Anata wa nani mo warukunai no_   
_Ashita wa awazu ni itai_   
_Wagamama datte wakatteru_   

>> 
>>   

>> 
>> She didn't love her husband, and wasn't sure if she ever had. 
>> 
>> When she had first met him, while they were both in college, he had seemed comfortable from the start, like a pair of broken in blue jeans or a soft flannel shirt. They had shared many interests and it had seemed natural that the two of them would begin dating. 
>> 
>> His father loved her, she had heard him congratulating his son on what a "fine young woman" he had found. The next part of his sentence was mumbled, but it had sounded as if he had said something about "forgetting that nonsense" or something like that. She hadn't paid it any mind. 
>> 
>> But for some bizarre reason it popped into her head as she and her lover were curled up beside one another on her futon. Yes, she had a lover. Quite the talk of the neighborhood, actually. If her husband hadn't been so dull-witted…_dependable_, he probably could have figured out what half those chattering, gossiping housewives had already. 
>> 
>> But that was just it. Marriage wasn't what she had thought it would be. Oh sure, her husband was successful, outrageously so, one might say. But well, he was so…well, boring. It was the only word she could think of to sum up his faults in one precise little package. Always nice, always gentle. It seemed like nothing could ever wipe that oh-so-sweet smile from his face. 
>> 
>> Sometimes she thought she hated him. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Kido Jyou scrubbed the sleep out of his eyes half-heartedly as he went to sign out. A quick glance at the clock told him it was on it's way to midnight…It couldn't be that late already, could it? Hanako was going to be furious, and with good reason. He hadn't even called to tell her he wouldn't be there for dinner. 
>> 
>> Never mind the fact that he had been in surgery for most of the day working on a victim of third degree burns… He should have had SOMEONE call and tell her he was going to be late. 
>> 
>> He waved a bleary goodbye to incoming nurse before starting a brisk walk to the subway station. 
>> 
>> It was one o'clock when he finally stumbled though the front door. He carefully removed his shoes in the front entryway and exchanged them for a pair of slippers. The house was dark and quiet, most likely because all the other occupants were asleep. 
>> 
>> Not a bad idea, actually. 
>> 
>> Jyou meandered down the hall to the bedroom. After going inside, he carefully stepped over his son, Yamasuke, who was asleep in his futon, the covering half off as he slept completely spread out. Jyou knelt down to gently brush his son's bangs from his forehead and deposited a gentle kiss. Yamasuke made a noise in his sleep before he half opened his eyes. 
>> 
>> "Nnn, welcome home, papa…" He slurred, the barest hint of a gentle smile touching his face before he drifted off to sleep again. Jyou's grin was equally sweet as he rummaged around for his pajamas before joining his wife in the futon they shared. 
>> 
>> Jyou would walk over hot coals barefoot for his son, if need be. 
>> 
>> Hanako instinctively shied away from his cold feet as he slid between the covers, mumbling something gently chastising unconsciously in her melodious voice. Jyou bit back a chuckle; sometimes he'd be willing to swear that there was no sweeter sound in the whole world. 
>> 
>> Except…perhaps… 
>> 
>> Jyou turned away in a sudden jerky motion, causing Hanako's forehead to wrinkle ever-so-slightly in her sleep in consternation; he was inwardly furious at himself for his weakness. He had a wonderful wife, a terrific son…what more could he ever want or need? 
>> 
>> He wouldn't allow himself to answer that question. He never did. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Jyou was brutally awakened by a sharp slap to his cheek, flesh meeting flesh. His eyes flew open, and for one wild moment he didn't know where he was. Then the terrified noises next to his ear brought him back. 
>> 
>> Hanako was having another nightmare. 
>> 
>> Sometimes she would thrash about even more wildly, upsetting Yamasuke in his sleep as well. She was making half sobbing, half pleading noises in the back of her throat as she attempted to beat off her phantasmal assailant. 
>> 
>> Jyou was not a violent person, and probably never would be for that matter, but he often found himself wishing that those who had visited these horrors upon his wife would someday receive them back ten-fold. For now, it was hard enough sitting down to an occasional dinner with them, or even let them look at his son, much less allow them to touch their grandchild. 
>> 
>> Oh yes, he knew it was them. Hanako had never said so much as a word, but he knew. One just as guilty by ignoring the problem as the other was by causing it. 
>> 
>> He gathered her up into his arms, whispering soothing words as he stroked her silky hair lovingly. At first she struggled like an animal in a snare, but finally she relaxed into his embrace, sobs catching at the back of her throat like a lost child's. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Somewhere, deep inside, Hanako registered the loving arms around her. 
>> 
>> Jyou. 
>> 
>> Her calm in the eye in the storm. 
>> 
>> Why did he…how could he… 
>> 
>> Didn't he realize?! 
>> 
>> It took all the strength she had to push him away. 
>> 
>> It was the only thing she could do. 
>> 
>> Because… 
>> 
>> Sometimes… 
>> 
>> Sometimes, she thought…   

>> 
>> She almost thought she _did_ love him. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Hanako sighed and tried to burrow deeper beneath the covers, attempting to escape the light of the morning sun peeking vindictively through a crack in the shouji. Then a delicious scent wafted in from the kitchen. This, combined with the relentless assault of the light finally had her opening her eyes. She rolled over and stretched before kneeling down to awaken Yamasuke. 
>> 
>> "Nn…" He mumbled in protest before rolling over. "Mou…sukoshi…" 
>> 
>> Hanako allowed a smile to grace her face; she could certainly identify with that feeling. Briefly she considered allowing him his request. Then the motherly side of her took over and she firmly coaxed him out of bed and into some clothes. 
>> 
>> When she padded into the kitchen, she discovered what had smelled so wonderful. She had to chuckle at the sight of her husband, bent over a bubbling pot of miso soup and clad in her favorite apron (the one with the flowers embroidered on it). 
>> 
>> The sound alerted him to her presence and he met her cheerful gaze with one of his own. 
>> 
>> I can be good today. Hanako thought, as she regarded her husband. I won't call him. The memory of last night was still painfully fresh in her mind, and the thought of calling her lover as usual made something within her twist in agony. I don't…I don't even really n-need… The thought refused to be finished. That was too much for her to consider; if she thought about it too much, she would cry. 
>> 
>> Doesn't everyone have their own crutches? Somehow, that little, sly, mocking part of her always managed to get the last word in. 
>> 
>> But she wasn't going to think about it. 
>> 
>> "Mou! Anata…" She teased, coming in to inspect the soup more closely. "How many times have I told you? The kitchen is off limits!" 
>> 
>> "Hey, I make a good miso soup!" Jyou protested lightly. Hanako giggled. 
>> 
>> "Last time, you forgot the miso!" She laughed. Jyou thought for a moment. 
>> 
>> "Hmmm…" He murmured, before remembering. "Sou…" He admitted before joining in her chuckling. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Hanako-chan~~~?" 
>> 
>> "What is it now, Jyou?" She struggled without success to keep the mirth from showing in her voice as she cradled the phone in the crook of her arm. It was amazing that a person so bewildered could laugh so often. 
>> 
>> Maybe it was true, what they said. 
>> 
>> That when you laugh, it's because you're even closer to crying. 
>> 
>> "What makes you think I want anything?" Jyou replied. 
>> 
>> "Because you only call me 'Hanako-chan' when you want me to do something." Hanako said. "And, besides, I'm looking at the papers you left behind on your way to work right this very instant." 
>> 
>> "Is there any chance you could drop them off at the hospital?" Jyou asked. 
>> 
>> "Sure. I have some quick errands to run before Yamasuke gets home from school, so I'll drop them off then." 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> She had only been to her husband's workplace once or twice in all their ten years of marriage. Hanako usually told herself it was because she didn't want to disturb him, or that she didn't really have any business there. If she had let herself acknowledge the truth, however, she would have admitted that she hated hospitals. 
>> 
>> To her, they represented thinly buried memories of pain. 
>> 
>> It was the place she had first learned how to lie. 
>> 
>> To the doctors. 
>> 
>> To the nurses. 
>> 
>> To herself. 
>> 
>> Hanako had become quite the good little liar. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> She steeled herself and walked into the spacious lobby with resolved steps, only noticing her slight shaking when she reached the front desk. 
>> 
>> _The place she had first learned to lie._
>> 
>> "Hello," She greeted the secretary, pleased to find her voice was firm and strong, with no sign of the inner wavering she felt within. "I'm delivering this for Kido Jyou." She showed the carefully wrapped package to the impeccably groomed young woman at the desk. The secretary smiled, with real warmth and politeness. 
>> 
>> "I'm sorry, he just left on his lunch break." She explained. "But if you leave it with me, I'll make sure that he gets it, Ms…um…" 
>> 
>> "Kido." Hanako said quietly. _That's right, he left before I could pack him a bentou._ "I'm his wife." 
>> 
>> The secretary seemed vaguely surprised. "I could have sworn that…" She murmured, seemingly forgetting that Hanako was still standing right in front of her. 
>> 
>> "Pardon?" Hanako prompted. 
>> 
>> "Oh," The secretary shook her head apologetically. "It's nothing." 
>> 
>> Hanako smiled before bowing her thanks. As she left, she had to restrain herself from running out of the building as fast as she could. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Hanako was at war with herself. 
>> 
>> On the one hand, she had just done something incredibly difficult, and one part of herself exclaimed that she deserved a small reward. Like treating herself to lunch. The other part scoffed scornfully. _So you walked into a hospital. Big deal. Your husband does it every day. _ Hanako shook her head wildly; that was her mother speaking. Unconsciously, she cupped her hand to her face, almost as if she had just been slapped. 
>> 
>> _No._
>> 
>> She was no longer a little girl. She no longer had to answer to her mother. 
>> 
>> Hanako went to lunch. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> There was a place not far from the hospital that was near and dear to her heart. It was a rather upscale café that catered to many of the doctors from the hospital. She had worked her way through college there…it was where she had first met one shy intern with a sweet smile – though she would discover they went to the same college later. And it was the place that same shy intern had proposed to her. 
>> 
>> She had smiled and said "yes".__
>> 
>> _If she had it to do over again, would she give the same answer?_
>> 
>> She answered herself in a heartbeat, and the response scared her. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Irasshaimase." The waitress bowed with a smile before showing her to her table. Hanako vaguely noted the slight changes in uniform since she had worked here. After receiving the coffee she had ordered, she people-watched quietly, content to immerse herself in the flood of life swirling about her. In back of her, Hanako heard two waitresses gossiping about a pair of customers. The excited whisper of their voices brought back nostalgic memories in the café. She smiled around the edges of her cup. 
>> 
>> "Hey, did you see them?" 
>> 
>> "Yeah…do you think they're doctors?" 
>> 
>> "I hope not, it means they're too old for me…" There was a sigh, and Hanako had to restrain herself from chuckling. 
>> 
>> "Older men are better, though." 
>> 
>> "Not too much older…did I tell you about that one pervert I ran into the other night?" 
>> 
>> The conversation veered off into an explanation of a masher one of the girls had met on the subway after work, before finally meandering back to the two mysterious "ii otoko". 
>> 
>> "Which one do you want?" 
>> 
>> "Etou…anou…I don't know! Both maybe? Do you think the blond is a gaijin?" 
>> 
>> "Maybe. He looks like he's half to me, though. Look at the eyes." 
>> 
>> "Hmm, they're together right? Maybe they aren't 'interested' in girls." 
>> 
>> "You're probably right…what a shame." 
>> 
>> Now Hanako's curiosity was piqued, and she peered over her menu to the table to the right of her. The two giggling girls had been right; they were both very attractive men. The blond looked vaguely famous, as if she had seen him picture somewhere before, but couldn't quite recall where. But the dark haired man was what really caught her attention. He was absolutely radiant, an affectionate smile stretched across his face as he talked to the man in low tones. Very attractive in a way that made you look at him more than once. They both were. The blond said something, and rich laughter came floating her way. 
>> 
>> It took a few moments for the realization to sink in. 
>> 
>> The menu slipped from her grasp and fell to the ground like a wounded bird, shot in mid-flight.   
  

>> 
>> That dark-haired man was her husband.   
  
  
  
  

>> 
>> tsuzuku   

> 
> Ending notes: Well, next part we get Jyou's perspective on his lunch, and perhaps a few things will be cleared up. Or not. More on Yamato, what he's doing there, and exactly what is going on. It's not what you think. Trust me.   
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part Two

uso02

> You know what, I completely forgot to give a timeline for this…Jyou is in his early thirties, as is Yamato. It takes place, oh, I don't know, a couple of years after the epilogue. I'm not good with time, and yet I find myself mentioning it quite a bit. ^_^;; If there are any glaring errors, please write them off as stupidity on my part. Check out the notes at the end of this part for a few interesting tidbits… 
> 
> BTW—For those of you curious as to Yamato and Jyou's previous relationship, I would urge you to check out "What I Can Get…", which acts as sort of a companion piece to this. If I have time, I'll write one about what happened and how Yama ended up married to Sora. I will mention one thing, though. Yama was the one who decided to marry Sora before Jyou proposed to Hanako. I'll leave everyone's motives to the reader's conjecture for now.   

>
>> **Usotsuki**
>> 
>> **Part Two**
>> 
>> _Riyuu wa kotaetakunai_   
_Anata wa nani mo warukunai no_   
_Ashita wa awazu ni itai_   
_Wagamama datte wakatteru_
>> 
>>   
  
  

>> 
>> The clipboard fell from Jyou's hands with an echoing clatter. 
>> 
>> It was understandable; he'd just seen a ghost. 
>> 
>> "Yamato?" The whisper seemed too loud in the stark hospital hallway. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "I'm not here for very long. Just a week and a half." Yamato explained as the two made their way towards the lobby. "The nurse said you were back here, and so I kinda snuck past her while her back was turned." Jyou had to smile, it was the sort of thing that Yamato would do. If Yamato wanted something enough, there was no stopping him. 
>> 
>> And being on the receiving end of that sort of devotion could be intoxicating to a dangerous level. 
>> 
>> "I'm on lunch break, actually…Hanako forgot to pack me one, and so I was thinking of heading down to a café right up the street. Why don't you join me? We can catch up…on old times." Jyou offered, wondering if Yamato had noticed how hard his heart was pounding. 
>> 
>> _I haven't seen him…for what? Five years now? Ever since he moved to America…_
>> 
>> The space program in Japan had pretty much folded after a few jerky lurches, and Yamato had found himself out of work until approached by NASA. 
>> 
>> "So, how is Sora-kun doing?" Jyou attempted to begin a conversation. Probably not the best topic to start with, but it was the only one that surfaced in his befuddled mind. 
>> 
>> He knew that their divorce had gone more smoothly than most, and they both probably still held real affection for one another. Just not enough to move to a strange country where Yamato was the only fluent enough in the language to carry on a conversation. Sora-kun had set down roots here, and regardless of the direction in which the space program was heading; she had refused to move her successful kimono design business and the kids to a strange country. 
>> 
>> That was Sora-kun for you. Ever practical. 
>> 
>> _Funny, they say the same thing about you…_
>> 
>> _Would you have gone? _Jyou found himself asking. _What would you have done, if Yamato had wanted you to pick up everything and go with him? If he hadn't married Sora-kun and we were both living in our little daydream still?_
>> 
>> _I don't know._
>> 
>> Liar. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> Jyou had recently read about the mission to Mars in a few upcoming weeks, and was impressed to find his college roommate's name on the list of astronauts heading the mission. He had pointed the hazy picture of the team out to Hanako and she had teased him, saying it had to be a different person than that playboy Ishida they knew from college. 
>> 
>> "He had a different date every week…" She had reminisced, squinting at the photograph, "But that's all I remember of your infamous roommate. You know, I can't even quite recall what he looked like." She admitted. "Just that he was blond; that always stuck out in a crowd…" 
>> 
>> Jyou had chuckled. "Well then, you're one of the few girls out of a thousand on that campus…" 
>> 
>> "He was a really close friend of yours, wasn't he, Jyou?" She seemed sad for some reason as she gazed at him. "When was the last time you heard from him?" 
>> 
>> "It's been a while…" Jyou tried with only the barest success to keep the raw pain from surfacing in his voice. And she had pulled him into a tight embrace. 
>> 
>> "It's hard, isn't it?" She had asked, that mellifluous voice soothing in his ears. "When old friends lose touch it makes you wonder if they've forgotten you." 
>> 
>> "Jyou, don't worry. He hasn't forgotten you; I don't think anyone ever could." 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Sora's fine; you should see some of the silks she's working with, they're beautiful. Sora did always have a nice eye, though." Yamato said. "Midori is upset. I think she still wants us to get back together." He let out a short laugh that seemed entirely too bitter for the Yamato Jyou remembered. "I tried to explain as best I could that it wasn't going to happen…and she said she hated me." 
>> 
>> Jyou looked over at the man that had been his best friend for almost fifteen years, reading the hurt in his monotone voice. 
>> 
>> "They always say that." He finally said, inwardly reliving all the times Yamasuke had been childishly angry with him, and how much it had hurt to hear those words coming from his mouth. 
>> 
>> "Yeah." Yamato said, as if trying to convince himself. "It's hard to tell yourself that when you remember how you felt when your parents divorced. I never wanted that for her, or Masuo. Funny how life turns out sometimes, huh?" 
>> 
>> "Yamato…" 
>> 
>> "Well," There it was again, that smile, so dazzling and captivating. It seemed to light up the café by itself. Like a shaft of pure light lancing Jyou's heart. "Enough about me. How are Hanako-san and Yamasuke-kun doing?" 
>> 
>> "They're doing fine. Yamasuke is at the top of his class." Jyou said, allowing the smallest bit of pride to creep into his voice. Yamato laughed warmly. 
>> 
>> "Like father like son, huh? I bet he doesn't have to pull all-nighters to stay there, though." 
>> 
>> "I bet he doesn't have a certain blond friend pestering him too when he's trying to study either. Maybe later, if he's lucky…" Jyou smiled back too, basking in the palatable glow of friendship like it was the warm sunlight streaming through the window. Old habits came back so quickly, as if they had never been forgotten at all. 
>> 
>> "Lucky?" A cloud dimmed the sunlight, and the air turned chill around them. "Please don't pretend, Jyou." 
>> 
>> "Sometimes I think it's all I have left." 
>> 
>> And, Yamato mused silently as he stared into his best friend's face, how could that spun glass smile have survived all these years untouched? He would have thought it would have been broken by now, shattered underneath Time's coarse feet. 
>> 
>> Oddly enough, Yamato found his mind turning to a model of the human heart Jyou had made him out of clay while they had both been in college. While they were married, he knew that Sora had always passively wondered about the model, in its place of honor on his desk—not for any suspicious reason, just curiosity. He knew it was a strange thing for an astronaut to have, but he had never felt the need to tell her that Jyou had given it to him as a birthday gift after the public party with their friends. 
>> 
>> Yamato had brought it with him to America, carefully wrapped inside his luggage, only to discover a crack had formed along the center when he unpacked it. He had worried at it for days, as if he rubbed hard enough, it would go away. 
>> 
>> And then, it broke. Shattering into many pieces. He had stared down in shock, large pieces of ventricles and various other sections meeting his gaze balefully. Jyou had designed the heart so that you couldn't see the inside, even though he had also sculpted the inner workings. Yamato had never quite understood why he did that. 
>> 
>> For some bizarre reason the first thing that came to his bewildered mind was, "Why is it that I can only see the inside if it's broken? It's unfair…after all this time…" 
>> 
>> _I'm sorry._
>> 
>> The sun came out again, and the conversation shifted to less painful things. 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow? The hotel I'm staying at is supposed to have a wonderful restaurant." 
>> 
>> "I'd love to." 
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "Taidaima!" It echoed slightly through the house, to be followed by a faint rebound of "Okaerinasai!" from the deeper inside. After stopping to leave his shoes at the entryway, Jyou followed the voice into the kitchen, only to be met with an excited Yamasuke in a flying hug around his waist. 
>> 
>> "Papa!" The six year-old exclaimed, pushing up his glasses from where they had crept down to the edge of his nose. "Mama let me help with dinner tonight! I boiled the water all by myself!" Jyou went down on one knee to better look his son in the face. 
>> 
>> Such a simple thing to get excited over. 
>> 
>> Sometimes Jyou wished he could be a child all over again. He'd savor it this time through if he had another go around. 
>> 
>> "So, what are you and Mama making tonight?" He asked, smiling at Yamasuke. 
>> 
>> "It's a surprise." Hanako chuckled quietly. If her voice was a bit flat, well, it wasn't as if anyone would notice… 
>> 
>> Jyou's gaze met her own. 
>> 
>> _Stop it._ Hanako turned back around, unsteady hands grasping the knife and continuing to chop the vegetables into strips. 
>> 
>> It's easier to hate someone if they don't notice. 
>> 
>> _Don't look at me like that. Please…I can't stand it._
>> 
>> _Don't understand._
>> 
>> When Hanako had gotten home, after hastily exiting the restaurant, she had cleaned. Cleaned until her hands ached and the floorboards shone like they never had before. And then she had gone to the store and bought enough groceries to stuff their small refrigerator to the brim before it was time to go pick up Yamasuke. 
>> 
>> Numbing her mind with work. 
>> 
>> _Don't think about it._
>> 
>> Oh, she knew for a fact that it was probably a business associate of her husband's, or perhaps a _kouhai_ from back in his college days. 
>> 
>> But…still, it was just— 
>> 
>> "You better go get washed up." Jyou was talking to Yamasuke, who nodded before quietly exiting the kitchen, almost as if he too could sense the tension in the air. 
>> 
>> "It smells wonderful." Jyou finally said, coming up from behind to wrap her in a lovingly secure embrace. Hanako felt unbidden tears welling in her eyes, thankful that she wasn't facing him, that he couldn't see her. 
>> 
>> _Don't._
>> 
>> _I can't hate you if you notice._
>> 
>> "Yamenasai." The words were dull in her mouth. "I can't chop if you're hugging me." 
>> 
>> And then Jyou let go, an all too familiar smile on his face. She couldn't see it, but she knew it was there. 
>> 
>> "It looks like it's almost done, I'll go wash up too." 
>> 
>> He left her with a surprisingly delicate kiss on her temple, causing her to touch the spot as if afraid that the sudden warmth that infused her would dissipate too suddenly. 
>> 
>> _In the restaurant…He was a whole different person. I couldn't tell that he was my husband of going on eleven years._
>> 
>> _He's never smiled like that for you, has he? As if you were a ray of pure sunshine that had decided to stop and have a conversation with him. He never will._
>> 
>> _Yamete!_
>> 
>> _Yamete…_
>> 
>> _I don't want him to smile like that for me. I don't care about him like that. I don't care at all._
>> 
>> _Not at all..._
>> 
>> *** 
>> 
>> "I ran into an old friend of mine today." Jyou said, happiness painting a smile on his face that he couldn't hide. "Ishida Yamato." 
>> 
>> Hanako's chopsticks dropped with a dull clink on the edge of her bowl. She picked them up as she tried to hide the sudden swirl of emotions running rampant through her mind, as if they would be scrawled in dark ink over her features if she looked him in the eye. 
>> 
>> She hadn't been expecting him to bring it up. 
>> 
>> It wasn't fair. 
>> 
>> Why did he have to do everything right? 
>> 
>> Why did he have to be so perfect? 
>> 
>> Unblemished. 
>> 
>> She couldn't hold the familiar bitterness to her tightly if he refused to hide what he had done this afternoon. Couldn't entertain the thought that perhaps there was something more to the situation if it was so easily brought into the open. 
>> 
>> It meant she was overacting yet again. 
>> 
>> That look on his face had been nothing more than her imagination. 
>> 
>> _Then why didn't I recognize him?_
>> 
>> Her husband was an enigma. 
>> 
>> Hanako had never liked puzzles very much. They made her feel stupid when everyone else could figure them out with the greatest of ease, and she would still be sitting there, tears of frustration streaming down her face. 
>> 
>> _Stupid, stupid, **stupid**!_
>> 
>> How could she figure him out when she didn't even understand her own inner sentiments? 
>> 
>> "So was it our Ishida-san that made the team going to Mars?" She finally asked. 
>> 
>> "Yes, it was him." Jyou explained, still smiling fondly. "He invited me to have dinner with him tomorrow; he's only here for a few days." 
>> 
>> That was funny. Why did she want to tell him not to go? That she would do anything as long as he stayed here; make his favorite dish…anything. Ishida Yamato was just his old schoolmate from college, and he was blasting off into unknown space in a few weeks. Why should she begrudge him any time spent with her husband? 
>> 
>> _Why isn't he seeing his wife and children?_
>> 
>> Another question she couldn't answer. 
>> 
>> Or didn't want to answer? They were both the same thing, after all. 
>> 
>> "Have a good time." She smiled cheerfully. "Tell him I wish him the best of luck on his mission…I was making your favorite tomorrow, but I'll just save some for you to take for lunch the next day. How does that sound?" 
>> 
>> "What about me, mama?" Yamasuke asked. 
>> 
>> "You too. I'll make an extra big batch."   
  

>> 
>> Hanako's smile was stitched on to her face so tightly that she didn't think anything had the force to tear it off. 
>> 
>> _Leave your crying on the inside._
>> 
>> She wondered if her lover would be free tomorrow.   
  
  

>> 
>> _tsuzuku_
> 
>   

> 
> Notes for this part: I realized I'm dropping a lot of Japanese, so here are a few meanings for those of you who don't have a dictionary handy or anything. "Kouhai" is "underclassman". "Yamenasai" is a polite way to say "stop it". "Yamate" means basically the same thing, but it's more forceful. 
> 
> "Yamasuke", as far as I know, isn't a real Japanese name. The suffix "suke" is commonly added to boys' names, and I wanted to have "Yama" in there somewhere. "Masuo", on the other hand, is real. And it uses the same character as "Jyou" when you write it out in kanji. Just something to muse upon…   



End file.
